When you think you’ve booked a trip to Austria and arrive at Oslo’s Gardermoen Airport, you know your journey has been planned by a man who hasn’t planned at all.
“You keep going on about Austria - you know we’re in Norway, right?” My wife said.
I threw her a patronising glance from over hunched shoulders as I pushed our luggage through arrivals.
“Ermmm, think I know where I booked Kris….” I replied.
She laughed, and I looked over at her again.
“The pictures you showed me were of Innsbruck Austria, this Gardermoen in Oslo”, My wife affirmed.
I slowed to a stop and shook my head, tutting, “Do you know how ridiculous you’re about to look - Oslo is in Austria.” I said, searching the airport for evidence to back me up. I looked around, then down at the ticket stubs - then at the flags dotted around, and finally back at Kris.
“Shit - I could have sworn Oslo was in Austria?” I remarked.
So apparently, I’m an actor now? (He says, his wife rolling her eyes). No, seriously, I just filmed two promo videos featuring none other than moi. The promo videos were made for a new novel I am close to releasing called ‘THE SWEAT’. THE SWEAT - is the first book in a three-part series following a Black British family doing all they can to survive a nationwide infection that transforms everyday people into mindful murderers. ‘THE SWEAT’ strives to add something new to the survival genre by being told mainly from the perspective of a Black female protagonist. The story seeks to explore how easily savagery, cannibalism, racism, bigotry, and open sexual exploitation could rapidly manifest - in a once civilised, first-world nation - where social-judicial filters, guidance and deterrents cease to exist.
Click here >>HERE<< to stay up-to-date with THE SWEAT's progress
Watch my two promo videos below - featuring the wonderful
Horaios, keep up-to date with her on instagram @Miss_unique_individual
RP: Guys who’s up for uh drink next week Saturday?
Shane: Which day bro?
Prince is typing….
Carl: [Inserts inspirational meme with the twinkling flowers]
Ricardo: Let me check my cazendar.
Prince: Why not. Where and what time?
RP is typing….
Shane: Do you mean this coming Saturday or next?
RP: This coming Saturday.
Shane: As in the 5th?
Jay: [Inserts smiling emoji with sunglasses on]
RP: Yeah the 5th.
RP: @Prince Thinking Westfield, Busabi?
Helen: I don’t like Chinese.
RP: @Jay is that a yes or a no?
Ricardo: Oh, you meant this Saturday.
Corey: Sounds good.
Carl: [Inserts inspirational meme about Jesus]
Prince: It’s Thai.
Jay: Is that the place we went to last time?
RP: Nah, that was Wagamama.
Helen: @Prince Whatever it is, I didn’t like it.
RP: @Helen are you on coming out at all? we can look at other places.
Helen: No, I can’t make it.
Prince: [Inserts Gif of Drew Scanlon the white guy blinking]
AK-47 or White widow? Shane asked, grinning as he pointed at a menu as if either one of us had any business dabbling in strong marijuana. We could barely handle cigarettes, let alone smoke anyone of those strains of weed, that sounded more at home on an MI5 terrorist watch list than in rolling papers. We eventually requested the weakest space cake they had and left to take in the rest of De Wallen.
Eight of us were in Holland for the Rotterdam carnival. As part of our package, we had a day trip to Amsterdam scheduled, and my O-my was it going to be a trip (pardon the pun) that none of us will ever forget. Getting high didn’t appeal to Missy, Prince and Helen, so we (Shane, Ricardo, Carl, Jay and I) decided to split our group in two and meet back at the coach at the end of the day.
Now let it be known that De Wallen (where the red light district is situated) is a small enclave of Amsterdam and is probably one of the craziest sections of any city worldwide. With women in windows and weed, the word ‘liberal’ doesn’t do it justice at all. Suppose De Wallen were a bike rolling down a hill, it’d be brake-less, without a seat, stabilisers, or wheels - just uh rickety old frame trundling at full speed into those fiendish red lights below.
Anywho, we had a good laugh throughout the day and were on the way back to the coach. Jay and I were deliberating on how the “weak space cake” was a little too weak. Unsatisfied: we happened upon, and decided to stop off at the most stereotypical edible peddlers I had seen there. So there’s five of us squeezed-up in this weed takeaway shop, plastic inflatable palm trees everywhere, reggae beating over the speakers.
The guys behind the counter wore red, gold and green string vests and had locs. In true British fashion, I began small talk. I assumed they were Jamaican, and with me being of Jamaican heritage, I asked where in Jamaica they were from.
They both answered ‘Barbados’. ‘Oh’, I replied - Now here’s where Carl swears I had doomed our expedition, fore I went on to state - “So you guys aren’t real, Rastas then?” Carl reckons that on account of my faux pas, the brother going to get our order from the cabinet stopped in his tracks and looked back at me in complete disdain before selecting an entirely different batch of space muffins to those requested. Anyway, we paid and left. Carl, Shane and Ricardo had walked up ahead, opened their muffins, and ate them whole.
Decided i'd drag my ass into this century and have a trailer made for my book. BIG props to our actress Olivia Murray - 100% pure unrefined talent. Enjoy, share, comment.
Went to Belgium
Ate waffles, drank beer, saw a famous naked child statue (holding his private parts), which the people of Brussels saw fit to print on mugs, T-shirts, pens, pants and God knows what ever else. Why? Met some Americans from Kentucky (they were cool). Went for a Sunday morning walk only to discover a strip of road riddled with ladies of the night, and was like…what the H.E. double- hockey- sticks! Left swiftly without incident! Ate more waffles, saw some Japanese tourists (they were cool), ate some chocolate and returned home to London.
Bought a guitar
Became obsessed with Ed Sheeran's song 'I See Fire'. Felt the urge and extreme, overwhelming need to be able to play said song. So I researched good (cheap) beginner's guitars and purchased a cherry-red Martin Smith from Argos (£50). Really, really nice. I've learnt to play Chords D,A and E…Cool I know!
Read the book 'Needful things'
Finally read 'Needful things'… Wow!!! Starts a little slow, but god-damn that guy can write. Check it out!
Wrote 25,000 words of my new novel
One quarter in to my new novel and it's flowing beautifully. A horror set on a holiday resort, it should be out later this year. Join my mailing list or follow/ friend me on social media to stay up to date.
Watched the 4th season of 'The Walking Dead'
Hhhhmmmm…Your thoughts below.
Started running again
I always begin my day with writing for two hours before work (from 3am) then running at least five miles. I've had to put the latter on hold due to injury, and a strain of resilient, nuclear, ninja-flu, which both lasted an inconceivable two months, ruling out running all-together. But I'm back and loving it!
Got paperback copies of 'Lilif' made
Just had paperback copies of the most exciting and extraordinary supernatural thriller the world has ever seen! Available from Amazon, check it out here>>>HERE
After ten months of rising early, hitting the sack late and irritating the hell out of my loved ones with the clicking of the keyboard and the dazzling glare of the PC screen at random times in the night. After buckets and buckets of self doubt, that could and would only be appeased by friends and family who were forced to read excerpts from the manuscript. After going to work writing in my head on the way, and doing the same once at the office. After God knows how many bags of sweets, chocolate, crisps and the occasional glass of 'Jesus juice'. After reading 'Velocity', 'The Good Husband', 'Misery' (Again), 'IT', 'On writing' (twice). After turning down attendance to parties and social functions to get on with my writing. After getting a little writers block (not cool)... insert second reading of 'On writing' and more self doubt >here< . After finishing and feeling like I could conquer the world. After handing it to my trusted Beta readers, praying to God they loved it, not knowing what I'd do if they didn't :( (No LOL trust me). After getting it back and realizing they thought it was brilliant, birthing comments like "I cried at that part" " that part was a little scary". Yes, result!!! After making the changes and reading it all over again and then again until satisfied. After sending it to my Editor Jane Hammett who might I add did a brilliant job. After pissing about with trying to create my own cover and realising I was on an indie book kamikaze mission, I decided to employ the services of Lilien Hoffman (website: Http://lilienhoffman.wix.com)who is responsible for Lilif's beautiful artwork. After all of the above - it is Lilif Launch Day 07/02/14 and all 89,540 words of my first novel are finally lay bare. Now I face the world armed with nothing but my faith that this story is both beautiful and brutal in the same breath. You'll probably cry, wince, laugh and scream, but you'll enjoy it I guarantee you... Please support Lilif!
Below are my personal top 5 tips for writing your first novel.
1. Read, read, read...You cannot write a novel if you have not studied the craft. You have to read to understand what constitutes good writing form, rhythm, style, unacceptable and acceptable types of written expression. This also helps you to develop your own style and 'voice'.
2. Make sure you truly love your story concept, or your project will go the way of so many that end in abandonment.
3. Don't listen to DOUBT! Make sure you finish it or you'll never finish any of them. YOU CAN DO IT!!!
4. After you finish your manuscript let it rest for about a month, dust it off and have a read. It's at this point you'll think WTF! Did I write that!! It's okay change it, make improvements and move on. You will learn to forgive yourself. Once past that stage let others (Beta readers) read it and get back to you with feed back that you'll hopefully take on board. Even if you are adamant cats come in pink, if your Betas disagree, you should at least review it. Try not to be too defensive. Make sure you get your book copy-edited (Jane Hammett). There is no way around this if you want to avoid a (sometimes angry) backlash!
5. Book cover...Man-O-Man... I tried to fight this one and had convinced my self that my sub-novice Photoshop skills would suffice. After two revisions, I realised I was only prolonging the inevitable. You're a writer not an illustrator. The book cover is the first thing people see and if it looks amateur-ish they won't even bother to read the synopsis. Yeah I know its expensive blah, blah, blah just get it made it'll be worth it, especially if you know the story inside is worth reading. I used a website called 99designs.com check it out.